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Ohana Mau Loa

Staying connected with your loved ones amidst global immobility.

The best thing one can have when riding through a difficult time is the companion of one’s dearests; to be able to share the pain with them, and to have them reassure you in their own unique ways that “everything will be alright”. In ordinary times we frequently get annoyed over their presence, yet in extraordinary times the sense of comfort they provide is beyond words.

As an immigrant in a foreign land, their constant presence has long been a privilege that is out of my reach. My family is one of those that pushed the definition of “global citizenship” to the limit: my brother works in Hong Kong, my mother and girlfriend are both in Jakarta, and I mostly call Singapore my home. We rely on messaging, voice, and video calls to stay in touch on a day-to-day basis. Thus, for 11 years the reliefs to my longing for their physical presence are periodic temporary gatherings, usually on special occasions like Christmas, college graduations, or Lunar New Year. They may be short, but in retrospect, they make the distance that much more bearable.

It will all be different this year, however, in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. I was lucky to still be able to meet all three of them back in January, and the last time I met my mother was in March when we traveled to Medan together. With the ongoing global lockdown and looking at how rampant the virus spreads, it is unlikely that the situation will get better anytime soon. Who knows how much longer will it be before I can be reunited with any one of them.

Nonetheless, I believe that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, and it is in our best interest to persevere through the tunnel together so that emerging from it will taste that much sweeter. Thus I am sharing with you the three simple pointers I am adopting keeping the relationship with my loved ones strong as ever:

1. Stay in touch. This one goes without saying, whether it is simply by text, voice, or video calls. Before you send good morning messages on your team’s Slack workspace, send your greetings to those miles apart from you first. Ask them how was their night, and what they plan to do today. Show them pictures of your home-cooked meals during lunch and of your “Work From Home” desk setup. Distance is no excuse for not doing the things you would normally do when they are around.
2. Stay updated with the situation where they reside. I have adopted this multiple times, not just during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. When the series of riots tore through Hong Kong in 2019, I kept myself updated with the news so that when interacting with my brother, I would not irritate him by falling for false paranoia, but instead engage him in a meaningful and informed conversation about the situation. I also did the same with my mother and girlfriend when the riots broke in Jakarta. Keeping myself updated with their local news gives me a clearer picture of the different challenges each of us is facing, and which allows me to be more empathetic with what they are each experiencing.
3. Go the extra mile for them. Often we feel powerless in alleviating the inconveniences faced by those who are so far from us. However, remember that technology has made a lot of impossible things possible. Being miles away from them does not mean you are unable to act for them. For the past two months, I have been assisting my mother in getting her health supplements and necessities through Shopee, a popular eCommerce platform in Jakarta. I sourced the items, made the order, and simply provided her with the internet banking number to transfer the payment to (thankfully she knows how to use internet banking). Similarly, when my girlfriend accidentally broke her iPhone 11 case, I got a new one shipped to her in one day so that she does not have to go out and get it herself. They may be small acts in the grand scheme of things, but it shows that you are with them in this trying time.

Extraordinary times do not always require extraordinary measures, and the above three points prove that. They are simple and very much within your means. Yet I firmly believe that they will go a long way in keeping you and your loved ones engaged and connected while riding out this COVID-19 pandemic, or any situation that reduces mobility. Hopefully, when it passes, all of you emerge stronger and more bonded than ever.